Feelings of a new grandmother

I wish I had started this blog sooner but I am going to attempt to catch up with the events from her birth till present.  Though I was excited about her when my daughter was pregnant, I tried not to get too excited as my daughter and I were on bad terms and not speaking plus I sensed that her new inlaws were now the dominant relationship in her life (they live only 10 minutes away from her and their son), next to her husband and friends.  As a sort of self protective effort, I  tried not to get too excited as I didn’t want to fall in love with this little person only to be kept at arm’s length.  I could not bear getting to meet her and then be kept from her.  With my mother’s recent death, suffering through surgery and late stage cancer and treatment, I did not think I could bear one more sadness in my life. 

During her delivery, things seemed as though they were going to continue in that direction.   Prior to her birth I offered anything that would be helpful to my daughter upon her arrival home…to include coming and staying with her the first week of adjustment at home as my grandmother did for me with her, my first child.  She said this would be helpful and I planned to do just that.  I got the call from her mother in law that she had been admitted in labor and being several hours away from their home I headed up to the hospital with her sister my second child.  Along with that call she insisted that we not go to the hospital but to their home to wait for the arrival which seemed very odd….to say the least, I felt as though forces were trying to keep me from my daughter at the hospital, but I declined and headed for the hospital anyway to find out what my daughter wanted.    At  the hospital her husband basically came out of the labor room, gave an update, and did not indicate that my daughter wanted to see us so we headed to the inlaws since it looked like it would be a long day.  Updates were called in by my son in law to his father and as the day wore on I began to worry until the last around 5 PM a C section was announced.  My instinct was to rush to the hospital, even if I had to sit in the waiting room since my child, my flesh and blood, was going under the knife, a scarey prospect even with the most routine of surgeries.  But again, the inlaws insisted that we ALL go out to eat first.  Being my nonassertive self, I did not resist and sat uncomfortabley through dinner chit chat while I worried incessantly that my daughter and the baby were OK and what was going on.  When his father had not gotten a phone call after an hour had past, I quickly found our waiter, paid the entire bill so we could get the heck out of there and to the hospital since I worried that something was wrong and I wanted to be close to my daughter.  This has set the stage for my relationship with my son in law’s parents which I find to be very passive aggressively controlling, although friendly.   By the time we got there she had been born and mother and daughter were safe and healthy, thank the Lord.  We all got to go back and see them by the time we got there.   What a relief to see my daughter and the baby and to see all were fine! 

The joy of seeing that beautiful little girl was only equalled by the joy I felt when seeing her mother (and my other two children) for the first time.  And it only continues to grow….


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