The second week home

December 18, 2009

The second week my son in law had to go out of town so I got to bond with both daughter and granddaughter one on one and spend alittle more one on one time with my granddaughter.  I stayed at my daughter’s home this time, not the inlaws, as it did not interfere with parent time with their little girl. 

My daughter has amazed me at what a wonderful and natural mother she is.  She is relaxed, competent, very maternal and attentive to her baby.  I just remember how nervous I was as a new mom and uncertain, and I am overjoyed at my daughter’s easy transition into this new role. 

My granddaughter is an easy baby, she sleeps alot, is not fussy and that gave me great comfort for my daughter’s sake since she had to return to work after 3 months maternity leave. 

Toward the end of my stay my daughter and I had a bad argument and I left, only to return and we talked like we haven’t in ages.  She expressed some things she had been feeling and I did likewise.  We both agreed to forgive each other and bury the past and since then, we have gotten along wonderfully.  Only a week or so before this I had gone to a healing mass at my church and asked God to heal our relationship.  I never dreamed that He would answer my prayers so quickly.

The first week home

December 18, 2009

To share in that first week home was a true privilege regardless of my sleeping arrangements.  I remembered how my grandmother very quietly did whatever I needed and not what she chose to help me with my first child’s (the new mother) arrival.  She kept up my laundry, cooked meals, cleaned dishes, tidied the house, and fetched whatever I asked for so my husband and I could bond with our new little one.  So I followed that example and it was spot on what my daughter wanted and needed and we got along famously.  To be a part of my granddaughter’s first week home was a real gift and the deepening of my relationship with my daughter was real gift as well as well as getting to know my son in law better.

I know how my mother felt now

December 18, 2009

I am an very protective person by nature when it comes to my children and the same goes for my granddaughter.  I was very concerned that so many people were visiting their room, regardless of how well meaning, as she was recovering from major surgery, trying to breastfeed, and the likelihood of contagious illness increases with the more people present.  Not only did they come in the droves, the baby was passed around like a loaf of bread.  I had a lump in my throat the whole time she was in the hospital.  And many brought their children and several touched her little hands which go straight into her little mouth.  Even the nursing staff made comments about the excess of visitors but never fielded any of them…I guess their hospital’s lenient visitation policy. 

I was at my daughter’s beck and call and picked up things from their home and made food runs, whatever they needed the 5 days she was in the hospital.  She had to stay an extra day because the baby had not gained enough weight (thanks to the constant barage of visitors).  But this was defended by my son in law’s mother as  not having anything to do with it even though my daughter admitted that by the time she shooed the visitors out to nurse, the baby was so hungry she could not latch on.  The nursing staff finally took her and bottle fed her for part of a day. 

When I first arrived for the delivery, her mother in law insisted that I stay at her house when I helped with the baby upon her arrival home since she informed me that my daughter and her son needed their privacy.  So I trapsed back and forth everyday and night between the two houses.   As gracious as her inlaws were with food and shelter, their insistence that I not stay at my daughter and son in laws’ home I still feel was none of their business but my daughter and son in laws’ choice to make.  Don’t get me wrong, they are nice people, just controlling.

I remember my mother telling me how hard it was to be a grandmother and see things what worry you and know you must be careful not to interfere.  I now know what she meant.  Watching all those people steal my daughter’s sleep, potentially risk my granddaughter with germs, made it very difficult not to speak out, but she is my daughter and son in law’s child and they are the parents.

Feelings of a new grandmother

December 18, 2009

I wish I had started this blog sooner but I am going to attempt to catch up with the events from her birth till present.  Though I was excited about her when my daughter was pregnant, I tried not to get too excited as my daughter and I were on bad terms and not speaking plus I sensed that her new inlaws were now the dominant relationship in her life (they live only 10 minutes away from her and their son), next to her husband and friends.  As a sort of self protective effort, I  tried not to get too excited as I didn’t want to fall in love with this little person only to be kept at arm’s length.  I could not bear getting to meet her and then be kept from her.  With my mother’s recent death, suffering through surgery and late stage cancer and treatment, I did not think I could bear one more sadness in my life. 

During her delivery, things seemed as though they were going to continue in that direction.   Prior to her birth I offered anything that would be helpful to my daughter upon her arrival home…to include coming and staying with her the first week of adjustment at home as my grandmother did for me with her, my first child.  She said this would be helpful and I planned to do just that.  I got the call from her mother in law that she had been admitted in labor and being several hours away from their home I headed up to the hospital with her sister my second child.  Along with that call she insisted that we not go to the hospital but to their home to wait for the arrival which seemed very odd….to say the least, I felt as though forces were trying to keep me from my daughter at the hospital, but I declined and headed for the hospital anyway to find out what my daughter wanted.    At  the hospital her husband basically came out of the labor room, gave an update, and did not indicate that my daughter wanted to see us so we headed to the inlaws since it looked like it would be a long day.  Updates were called in by my son in law to his father and as the day wore on I began to worry until the last around 5 PM a C section was announced.  My instinct was to rush to the hospital, even if I had to sit in the waiting room since my child, my flesh and blood, was going under the knife, a scarey prospect even with the most routine of surgeries.  But again, the inlaws insisted that we ALL go out to eat first.  Being my nonassertive self, I did not resist and sat uncomfortabley through dinner chit chat while I worried incessantly that my daughter and the baby were OK and what was going on.  When his father had not gotten a phone call after an hour had past, I quickly found our waiter, paid the entire bill so we could get the heck out of there and to the hospital since I worried that something was wrong and I wanted to be close to my daughter.  This has set the stage for my relationship with my son in law’s parents which I find to be very passive aggressively controlling, although friendly.   By the time we got there she had been born and mother and daughter were safe and healthy, thank the Lord.  We all got to go back and see them by the time we got there.   What a relief to see my daughter and the baby and to see all were fine! 

The joy of seeing that beautiful little girl was only equalled by the joy I felt when seeing her mother (and my other two children) for the first time.  And it only continues to grow….

Background and Beginnings

December 18, 2009

Some background…I was very close to my mother and maternal grandmother and was fortunate to have them both for a large portion of my adulthood.  My grandmother died at age 84 when I was 47 and my mother died at age 73 when I was 53.  I was blessed to have the honor of nursing my mother during her last few years as she battled cancer and was by her bedside when she took her last breath.  I only wish I could have done more for my grandmother.  To me it was only a fraction of all the love, time, and sacrifice that my mother gave me.  Both of these remarkable women taught me so much and made such a positive mark on my life.  I feel very blessed and only pray I am as good a mother and grandmother to my own children and grandchildren.

Soon after burying my mother, I was diagnosed with Stage III3C ovarian cancer and began a very difficult phase of my life in early 2008.  I currently am in recurrence and awaiting tests to determine if I have to go back on chemotherapy.  During this sad time God gave me a gift and that was the birth of my first grandchild, a little girl who is now 10 months old and the joy of my life.   She is truly my angel.

My first post

December 18, 2009

My interest in a grandmother’s blog is to share with others my experiences, feelings, and thoughts as a grandmother, to document my granddaughter’s little life, and share with her, my children, and my future grandchildren the small amount of wisdom, family traditions, and feelings I have for those I love.  I hope I can inspire other grandmothers out there to do the same as it is not things but our love, time, and experience that are the greatest gifts we have to give those we love.   I think this is more of a mission statement but in a nutshell, those that decide to read my blog will get an idea of what it is about.  Although I babysit my granddaughter at my daughter and son in law’s home, I chose Nana’s house in honor of my mother and grandmother, whose home represented to me and my children a place of love, laughter, and security because of these two very special grandmothers and mothers who we all loved and miss so much.

Hello world!

December 18, 2009

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